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Golf Jokes

Smirking Caddie :

After enduring his worst round of golf in years, a golfer walked past a lake down the 18th hole.

He looked at his caddie and said: "I’ve played so badly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake."

The caddie replied: “I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long."

Name your passion:

A woman arrived at a party.
While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.
She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen."
"That’s a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most – cars and men. Therefore I chose 'Carmen'"
"What’s your name?” she asked.
He answered "B. J. Titsengolf."

Back It Upgolf jokes:

Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3.

After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin.

A fan in the crowd said "Mr. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?"

Mr. Palmer replied, "Do you own a 3 iron?"

The fan said, "Yes, sir I do."

"How far do you hit it?" said Palmer. About 160 yards was his reply.

Palmer calmly said, "What the hell do you want it to back up for?"

Golfer and Fisherman:

What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?

- When a golfer lies, he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it.

Disgruntled husband and curious wife:

Noting that her husband looked more haggard and disgruntled than usual after his weekly golf game, his wife asked what was wrong.



He answered, "Well, on the 4th hole, Harry had a heart attack and died. It was terrible! The entire rest of the day, it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry!"

golf humour by P.G. Woodhouse:

Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.

- P.G. Wodehouse



Golf a Sin?:

Golf a Sin?
After church one Sunday, one of the church goers walked up to his priest and said, "Father, is it a sin to play golf on Sundays?" "My son," said the priest, putting his hand on the man's shoulder, "I've seen your golf game, it's a sin any day".
Do you know why there are 18 holes on golf course?
Because that's how long it took the Scots who invented the game to finish their bottle of whiskey!
What are the four worst words you could hear during a game of golf?
It's still your turn!
The less skilled the player…
The more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
I'm hitting the woods just great...
But having a terrible time getting out of them!
Two kinds of bounces
Unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.
Word G.O.L.F.
My uncle, who has golfed all his life, has his own definition of the word G.O.L.F.: Getting Old and Living Fine!
Distance
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the
center of a very large tree.

G.O.L.F:

Golf a Sin?
After church one Sunday, one of the church goers walked up to his priest and said, "Father, is it a sin to play golf on Sundays?" "My son," said the priest, putting his hand on the man's shoulder, "I've seen your golf game, it's a sin any day".

Do you know why there are 18 holes on a golf course?
Because that's how long it took the Scots who invented the game to finish their bottle of whiskey!

What are the four worst words you could hear during a game of golf?
It's still your turn!

The less skilled the player…
The more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

I'm hitting the woods just great...
But having a terrible time getting out of them!

Two kinds of bounces
Unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.

Word G.O.L.F.
My uncle, who has golfed all his life, has his own definition of the word G.O.L.F.: Getting Old and Living Fine!

Distance
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

G.O.L.F:

Golf a Sin?
After church one Sunday, one of the church goers walked up to his priest and said, "Father, is it a sin to play golf on Sundays?" "My son," said the priest, putting his hand on the man's shoulder, "I've seen your golf game, it's a sin any day".

Do you know why there are 18 holes on a golf course?
Because that's how long it took the Scots who invented the game to finish their bottle of whiskey!

What are the four worst words you could hear during a game of golf?
It's still your turn!

The less skilled the player…
The more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

I'm hitting the woods just great...
But having a terrible time getting out of them!

Two kinds of bounces
Unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.

Word G.O.L.F.
My uncle, who has golfed all his life, has his own definition of the word G.O.L.F.: Getting Old and Living Fine!

Distance
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

Humour:

A golfer standing on a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, "Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain."