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Golf Jokes

Disgruntled husband and curious wife:

Noting that her husband looked more haggard and disgruntled than usual after his weekly golf game, his wife asked what was wrong.



He answered, "Well, on the 4th hole, Harry had a heart attack and died. It was terrible! The entire rest of the day, it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry!"

golf humour by P.G. Woodhouse:

Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.

- P.G. Wodehouse



Golf a Sin?:

Golf a Sin?
After church one Sunday, one of the church goers walked up to his priest and said, "Father, is it a sin to play golf on Sundays?" "My son," said the priest, putting his hand on the man's shoulder, "I've seen your golf game, it's a sin any day".
Do you know why there are 18 holes on golf course?
Because that's how long it took the Scots who invented the game to finish their bottle of whiskey!
What are the four worst words you could hear during a game of golf?
It's still your turn!
The less skilled the player…
The more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
I'm hitting the woods just great...
But having a terrible time getting out of them!
Two kinds of bounces
Unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.
Word G.O.L.F.
My uncle, who has golfed all his life, has his own definition of the word G.O.L.F.: Getting Old and Living Fine!
Distance
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the
center of a very large tree.

G.O.L.F:

Golf a Sin?
After church one Sunday, one of the church goers walked up to his priest and said, "Father, is it a sin to play golf on Sundays?" "My son," said the priest, putting his hand on the man's shoulder, "I've seen your golf game, it's a sin any day".

Do you know why there are 18 holes on a golf course?
Because that's how long it took the Scots who invented the game to finish their bottle of whiskey!

What are the four worst words you could hear during a game of golf?
It's still your turn!

The less skilled the player…
The more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

I'm hitting the woods just great...
But having a terrible time getting out of them!

Two kinds of bounces
Unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.

Word G.O.L.F.
My uncle, who has golfed all his life, has his own definition of the word G.O.L.F.: Getting Old and Living Fine!

Distance
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

G.O.L.F:

Golf a Sin?
After church one Sunday, one of the church goers walked up to his priest and said, "Father, is it a sin to play golf on Sundays?" "My son," said the priest, putting his hand on the man's shoulder, "I've seen your golf game, it's a sin any day".

Do you know why there are 18 holes on a golf course?
Because that's how long it took the Scots who invented the game to finish their bottle of whiskey!

What are the four worst words you could hear during a game of golf?
It's still your turn!

The less skilled the player…
The more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

I'm hitting the woods just great...
But having a terrible time getting out of them!

Two kinds of bounces
Unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.

Word G.O.L.F.
My uncle, who has golfed all his life, has his own definition of the word G.O.L.F.: Getting Old and Living Fine!

Distance
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

Humour:

A golfer standing on a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, "Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain."

https://www.thoughtco.com/golf-one-liners-and-short-funnies-1563919?utm_source=emailshare&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=mobilesharebutton2:

https://www.thoughtco.com/golf-one-liners-and-short-funnies-1563919?utm_source=emailshare&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=mobilesharebutton2

Two lawyers play golf ...:

Two lawyers, Jon and Chuck, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Chuck a bet. “Let's say we bet $50.”

Chuck agrees and they're off.

After the 8th hole, Chuck is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. “Help me find my ball. Look over there,” he said to Jon.

After a few minutes, neither have any luck and a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Chuck pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. “I've found my ball!!!” he announces.

Jon looks at him. “After all of the years we've been partners and playing together, you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?”

“What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!”

“And you're a liar, too!” Jon said. “I’ll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!”

Finest Equipment ...:

Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.

As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods.

"Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend Sam asked.

"I've never had an old ball," Morris said.

I'd move heaven and earth ...:

Near the end of a particularly trying round of golf, during which the golfer had hit numerous fat shots, he said in frustration to his caddy, "I'd move heaven and earth to break a hundred on this course."

"Try heaven," said the caddy. "You've already moved most of the earth."